Moving out of Bleeding Time

Even before my cycle has completed itself, I am missing it. On these last days of trickling, I feel the tide turn. I’m moving out of bleeding time.

This time, on the heaviest day, I was at home with the kids all day. Tired from a recent rush of work and a few nights of hot, humid, not-so-great sleeping, I welcomed this rainy day with an indulgent long sit on the couch. I set no agenda for the day and put nothing on my list of what must be accomplished. I let myself lounge, let us all watch TV, eat snacks, read while they napped. Usually, it is so difficult to let a day be. Usually, I must get us out to the library or I must get the bathroom cleaned, or email five people. Oh, glorious heavy flow when we just were. This is what I am missing already, though the blood is not completely gone. I’m missing the deep settling into my body and my life with no other expectations put on them. I could keep this philosophy if I tried, but menstruating makes it so easy, I’m menstruating, that’s what I’m doing. And it feels like enough.

I’ve rinsed the pads, washed out the soaking pot and used the opportunity to clean the tub at the same time. See, I told you I’ve switched gears—I’m cleaning the bathroom. I’m wrapping up the washing and drying and folding and moving on to the next part of the cycle. Luckily, it will all come back around.

Michelle